“Let me wake with power and purpose.”

So, how did it all go down, with the 9-5?

My mom said, “That doesn’t sound like you.” My brother said, “Good luck with that.” My dad said, “oh, that’s nice” in his quiet, dismissive tone that sounds a lot like my brother’s condescending good luck statement.

This was my family’s reaction when I  announced that I decided to get a 9-5 job.

Family. They know you best     – at your best, and at your worst.

When I graduated law school, with honors, on a full scholarship, I had one thing on my mind: Self-Employment. Sending resumes, writing cover letters, networking, begging for a big firm job, it all sounded a lot like work to me. Work I could put into starting my own firm. And work that would result in unlimited control of my time and uncapped income potential. Sounded pretty good to me.

But, according to Uncommon Counsel, a lawyer depression support project, the majority of students enter law school with “a psychological profile similar to the general public.” (I beg to differ) But then, 20-40% of them leave law school with some type of psychological disorder. (I am sure it’s higher than that.) You have to be crazy to do this, right? You also have to be crazy not to.

The practice went well. Sort of. But lots of stuff happened. And I fell, far and hard. And I destroyed myself and my practice out of anger and spite. (Blog post coming about that deep-seeded statement.) I am called to law but not to lawyer. What does that mean? It means I probably caught one of those psychological disorders that was going around law school. That’s all it means. It doesn’t mean I can’t do this.

So, back to the point, how did it all go down, with the 9-5?

November 1, 2017- My journal entry:

“Dear God, Please help me help them. Please let this job end. Put off the old habits that have gotten me nowhere -fear, blame, procrastination. And let me put on new habits- commitment, consistency, completion. Let me wake with power and purpose, with a plan to get me there.”

November 2, 2017.- I was halfway to my new 9-5. I turned the car around and went home. I went straight to my office, with commitment, consistency, completion, power, purpose, and a plan.

It would have been day 4. I was crying hot, angry tears over the loss of my self and my law firm. 9-5 is not the same for others as it is for me. We are all different, but to support my statement, take these statistics:

.03% of the population in Michigan are lawyers. That means of 1000 people, a third of one person is a lawyer. Adult ADHD is estimated at around 4% of the U.S. population.

That means of my 1000 facebook friends, only about 40 of them actually sort of know the real feeling of tingly, fizzy blood running through your veins, and the true burning desire to hurt yourself rather than sit in one spot doing something that doesn’t interest you, for any length of time. I know life is hard for everyone, but it is a lot different for me.

I was given many supportive statements in my complaints and pain. There were many people saying hang in there, and I am sure there were a few people thinking I was whiny, negative, entitled, little bitch. They are right. I am.

I do deserve better than this and I am taking the abundance that God has prepared me for and has set aside for me. And I encourage you to take a look at what you are accepting in your life in comparison to what has been set aside for you. This isn’t some kind of manifestation, magic, abundance psychic thing. It’s God’s power and purpose for you.

I hired myself back at Melinda Schmuck Law, PLLC.

My mom said, “That sounds more like you.” My brother said, “I told you so.” and my dad said, “What did they say when you quit?” in his quiet, dismissive tone that sounds a lot like my brother’s condescending I told you so statement.

Family. They know you best- at your best, and at your worst.

Bold Courage. Fearless Love. It means I don’t have to lawyer like everyone else. It means I can lawyer however I want to. It means yesterday I accepted a dare to wear a fluffy red suit to court. It means I worked until 11:30 last night, I got up at 5:30 this morning.

It means today it’s not even 11 am, I just billed $500, wrote this blog, and now I can take my dog for a walk. It mean’s when I get back from that walk I can write some more, I can make some phone calls, I can create some content, I can create some processes, and I can send out another invoice for $300. AND tomorrow is Saturday, and I am praying that I will be able to work more. It won’t be easy. I have a LOT of messes to clean up. I will hate it some days. I will cry more. I will throw things. I will curse and I will threaten to quit more days than not.

But:

It’s Bold. It’s Courageous. It’s Fearless. It’s Love.

~Go away fear, God is here.

 

Advertisements

One thought on ““Let me wake with power and purpose.””

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s